When Missing Our People is the Best Way to Love Them.
Strict social distancing due to COVID-19 has been a particularly unnatural experience none of us ever anticipated knowing. I want to preface this post with the idea that none of what I have to say about my experiences is meant to take away from the fact that I am grateful to be safe at home, and I’m so well aware of the people I have to thank for that. My feelings are simply a brain dump of the “right now”. How I’m feeling today, on day 39, aside from the gratitude I owe to the people doing their part, and the unsettling reactions I’m having towards those who aren’t.
And today? Today I miss a lot of people, but most especially some kiddos in my life. 40 days is a significant chunk of time when it comes to watching the important kids in your life grow. Not only that, but my own kiddo misses her people. I’ve been so proud of the way her two-year-old brain has been able to effortlessly and happily embrace any interaction she can get, which right now is in the form of FaceTime meetings and a quick “Hi! I miss you!” as she blows a kiss through the glass of our front door. How brave is she to know that we are lucky to have these moments right now? As I, the adult in her life, excuses herself to have a teary moment in the bathroom knowing she’d love to give those people a squeeze, and how they’re crumbling on the inside to do the same.
In 40 days time, I’ve noticed how much she’s grown, how many words she’s learned, and how she’s a “little girl” now versus a “baby girl”. Perhaps I only have time to hyper focus on that progress, but I wonder what differences her loved ones will notice when they finally get to interact with her again. I truly wish I could bottle my days with her up to share with them, because it does take a village, and they’re a part of mine. I know they’re hurting.
She misses her cousins immensely. I’ve tried my darnedest to be a suitable play partner for the past month+, but I tend to make mistakes during dress up, building blocks, and “playing potatohead”, and I know there’s a void only her most favorite play buddies could fill. Still, I will dress up in all the things, and read all the books, and I’ll even be Anna when just ONCE I’d like to be Elsa (just kidding, I much prefer Anna). Hopefully I’ll suffice for however much longer this needs to be.
There are specifically two baby girls who’s earliest months we (as a family) are missing out on. I know this will only be a blip of time someday, but I’m still disappointed that we won’t have those memories of their babyhood. Thank goodness I got the chance to soak in their precious infant snuggles before this unfolded, even if only for a short time. I’ll hold those moments a little more closely, and look forward to the snuggles ahead, as that’s all we can do for the time being. They won’t remember this missed time, but I will. At the very least, it won’t dim my love for them, and we can pick up right where we left off. They’ll just be a bit more round in the cheeks and smiley.
But guys, babies don’t keep. And I miss them.
If there were ever a way to sort out exactly where you want to be, and with who, this is it.
